Yawning Philosophers

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This article is for the philosophical movement of Epsilon Seven Theta Twelve. For other meanings, refer to Synaptic Sophist movements (disambiguation).

The denizens of Epsilon Seven Theta Twelve composed a subluminal society that nearly bankrupted itself seeking to send representatives to the stars. Shortly after the planet’s science reached the Egoathropological Limit and began to grapple with the Theory of Physical Undecidability, a religion swept the world that heavy intimated that the species would not survive unless it expanded to other planets. In the end, they reached every habitable planet in their solar system. It wasn't a bad start.

The Philosophers

Not everyone took to the new religion. Considerable debate was expended arguing whether the space travel mandate was a worthy use of energy. When logical arguments failed, the public discourse meandered through memes and petty arguments. The plurality of would-be spacefarers took to loudly yawning during their opponents’ arguments and then lashing back with arguments based on flights of theory – thus earning themselves the name of the Yawning Philosophers.


The Yawning Philosophers were, by and large, not engineers. However, sympathetic movements raced in the course of mere decades to develop travel to the five other habitable worlds in the system. Each new landing was cause for rejoicing by the home planet. However, immediately after planet five, history threw a wrench into development.


The Duowave Catastrophe wreaked havoc on the Philosophers’ home planet, sending a continuing pulse of EM radiation that neutralized all modern technology. The original planet was reduced to primitive war. The colonies fared little better, except for one, Prime, which the Yawning Philosophers had adopted as their own.


Enter the Quagmire, a wandering system hosting multiple microsingularities. As it migrated past the Philosophers’ system, it effectively absorbed the Duowave Pulses. EM activity surrounding Prime colony returned to usable levels, and the Philosophers continued their development, learning to augment themselves in order to compensate for the unreliability of computers and other electronic devices. By the time the Quagmire moved on, the Philosophers were ready to cope with the duowave interference.


It is expected that before long the Philosophers will take flight again, this time perhaps not unlike the self-modifying members of the old Transition Protectorate. The Quagmire has moved on; whether fluke or plan, it served its purpose, and the Philosophers hardly yawn at all these days.